Overcoming the stress barrier:

what is stress?

• A bodily reaction to the perception that we are under threat.
• stress is a "help" response designed by your body to help you deal with certain situations.
• It's not the situations causing you stress, it is your body's "helper" response. 
• But more often than not it does more help than good (just like allergies and those responses)
• stress is designed to help you to *fight as hard as you can* and *run away as fast as you can* to be used in life or death situations. 
• *fight or flight* response
• when the stress response is triggered a host of changes take place in our bodies including

1. increase heart rate
2. increase in pulse volume
3. increased respiration
4. rise in blood sugar to fuel muscles
5. increase blood supply to the large muscles through vasodilation, the widening of blood vessels in these muscles.
6. decreased blood supply to the skin and the digestive system via vasoconstriction, the narrowing of blood vessels in these areas. (maybe that's why we feel so sick when we are stressed haha) 
7. the release of endorphins (natural painkillers) to prevent us from being disabled or slowed down by the pain of injury.
8. senses become more acute
9. time may seem to slow down
10. you become able to focus on specific vital tasks
11. less able to focus on multiple complex tasks. 
12. creative thinking declines
13. a desire to move takes over
14. emotions intensified 
15. desire to escape
16. anger

In a nut shell stress should cause you to be stronger, faster, more focused, and more resistant to pain when the stress response is activated. 

-these responses were designed for the primitive world. today they may worsen stressful situations.

Write down one of the situations in which you felt yourself becoming stressed in the past week:

• Well in the past week my mom was out of town and I was watching brynn and zac. I had made a commitment to katie parker to watch her kids early in the week and arranged with my dad that he would watch brynn and zac so I could go babysitting. So I got my work schedule covered at abercrombie and thought I had everything all set. Zac asked if he could have a sleepover with his friend travis and I said yes because I thought that my dad was still planning on watching them. So then my dad had a last minute meeting that he had to go to and I had to take brynn and zac and travis over to babysit four other little kids. And to top it off we were late because we were trying to get everyone out the door. 
• Running away and screaming really would not have helped me cope with this situation. But it did help me be able to drive faster and run out the door quicker to get there on time. hahaha
• I did want to escape the situation but I couldn't because I had like fifty things I was responsible for at that moment.
• haha Physically attacking someone would not have helped.
• Yes I did want to physically attack someone hahaha doesn't matter who.. anyone would have done. 

How do we turn off the stress response?

• you can deal with the situation itself. (confronting the person responsible and clear it up)
• re-evaluate your appraisal. Perhaps you are making too much of the situation. don't overanalyze. 
• You can deal with the bodily response itself by using relaxation techniques.
• make some lifestyle changes that will increase your resistance to stress

Building stress related resistance:

• exercise
• eat well: choose salad over fries, simple stuff.
• get enough sleep: make this top priority. It's a huge factor
• watch your caffeine intake: this stimulates the stress response
• lead a balanced life: moderate the tasks that you try and take on. it's ok to say no sometimes and block out things you don't need to do like facebooking, television, and other time wasting activities.

examining your appraisals: 

• a minor situation that caused great stress in me was when... I was late for babysitting.

"people are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them." -epictetus (p36)

• To me being late meant that I was being irresponsible and that she wouldn't trust me again and that she would think that I was a flake and didn't put priority on her request.
• Other possible explanations may have been that I was feeling stressed because I was unexpectedly having to take three extra kids and didn't know how to deal with all of them. They could have been that my dad wasn't listening to me and forgot that I needed him that night and that was adding to it. It could have also been that travis's mom would be mad that I was taking him to a house that she didn't know. the possibilities are endless.

Ask yourself these questions about the resons for your stress:

1. is my life in danger? stress is a response designed to save your life. you don't need to be tense.
2. will being tense help the situation? tension is really only good for fighting and running. 
3. what is the worst thing that could happen? 
4. do a three column form: 

(situation) (automatic thoughts) (the truth)

Calming the stress response:

another way of handling tension is to calm the stress response is to calm the stress response directly. 

• insert a gap: get away from the trigger situation for a while. go for a walk or meditate. or leave a gap before you respond if you can't take that kind of break.
• burn it off: exercise!!!
• breathe: breathe deeply instead of shallowly. practice deep belly breathing daily. 

-things I need to work on:

• enough sleep
• eating healthy
• exercise
• overanalyzing

plans for implementing changes:

• instead of facebooking stupidly like a moron do my homework early and set a specific time.... 10:30 also wash face early enough that I'm not putting it off till the last minute. wash my face before I start my homework.
• think about what and why I am eating... don't eat out of boredom. don't eat junk.
• set aside time for exercising. early on the mornings when I don't have school.

Checkpoint: A self-assessment

I would say I'm about as assertive as most people... a little on the passive side. 

1. Briefly list three situations in your life in which you would like to be more assertive.

• In my relationships. Let people know when they are hurting/using me. or when something makes me mad. 
• In my social school relationships I want to learn how to be more outgoing and talkative and not afraid to say my opinion
• In my own life I want to be more controlling of how I use my time. Use it more wisely and productively.

    2.  Complete the sentences:

• I get most passive when I am in a situation where I don't know the people around me. If I don't have a close friend with me I am completely shy and silent. Also if someone who I feel has authority to tell me what to do I am completely passive. (anyone older than me) If I feel like I am in a social group of people who are too cool for me haha. 
• I often become aggressive when someone younger than me who I feel like should be listening to my opinion or obeying what I say doesn't do that. I become aggressive when I feel like I am not able to live up to expectations... (aggressive towards my self haha) I feel aggressive when I wash my face at night and it looks like bloody bubble wrap hahah. 
• My biggest fear of being assertive is a really stupid fear... but I think a lot of it just has to do with what people think of me. It really doesn't matter at all what they think. So I should just show the real me. Also Authority has always been a big part of my upbringing. like don't disobey your elders that kind of thing. 
• The two people in my life that I find it hard to be assertive with are people I don't know and my parents... anyone with authority over me. 
• I am already quite assertive when it comes to dealing with my friends or people who I feel like I have a right to be assertive to. Like someone with the same status as me... if that makes sense haha.

I'm using this blog to do my assertiveness assignments for my class haha so be prepared :)

assignment 1: 

The benefits of assertiveness:

• allows us to relate to others with less conflict, anxiety, and resentment.
• allows us to be relaxed around others
• increases self-confidence with out trampling that of others. Although it allows others to think whatever they want to think about us, it tends to build their respect for us as well. 
• It increases self-confidence by reducing our attempts to live up to the standards of others and by reducing the need for approval. 
• acknowledges the right of other people to live their lives, with the result that they feel less resentment toward us for trying to control them.
• gives us control over our own lives and, by reducing helplessness, assertiveness may reduce depression.
• it is the only strategy that really allows us and others to fully be in the relationship. (p20)

"taking responsibility for your actions is a sign of assertiveness" (p 21) "Being late is passive aggressive by inconveniencing the other person (aggressive) and avoiding responsibility for your actions (passive) at the same time.

I'm wearing matching socks today! that's a first... how boring haha

"I won't be bored

I won't be ignored

Hey!

I won't be your dirty secret

I won't be your cure-all pill

And I won't run to fetch the water

Just to tumble down the hill

I won't be your Friday paycheck

I won't be the prize you flaunt

And I won't be your Martha Stewart, baby

Or your all-night restaurant

But I will, I will, I will be your everything

If you make me feel like a woman should

I will, I will, I will be the whole shebang

You know I will...but

I won't be your crutch to lean on

I won't wear stiletto heels

I won't walk a mile in your shoes

Just so I know how it feels

I won't be your obligation

I won't be your Barbie doll

I won't be the portrait of perfection 

To adorn you wall

But I will, I will, I will be your everything

If you make me feel like a woman should

I will, I will, I will be the whole shebang

You know I will...but

Hey - you know, you know I will

All right

I won't be your lifetime girlfriend

I won't be just one of the guys

I won't be your mama's favorite

I refuse to be the last in line

But I will, I will, I will be your everything

If you make me feel like a woman should

I will, I will, I will be the whole shebang

You know I will...but

Yeah, I will, I will, I will be your everything

I will, I will be the whole shebang

I will, I will be your everything"

"the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory"

-bob marley :)

Blog instead of stupid facebook :)

ello :) I've decided to start using my blog instead of my facebook. I'm so sick of facebook. It makes me jealous and hateful and mad and sad and I am sick of facebook stalking people that i like and people that I don't like hahaa. It's not good for my attitude haha. so anyway I just got done with a week without my mom. She was in utah for reasons which I may disclose in the future... not that I really honestly think anyone is really reading my blog but ya know just in case haha so anyway :) :):) :) ... Brynn and Zac have been being so cute this whole week haha. Brynn dressed up as pocahontas in my old costume from when I was her age that my grandma made for her :) She looked just like me haha. 

so today she was in the bath and I was in the shower right next to her in my mom's bath room and I was shaving my legs and I cut my leg pretty bad. ya know when you accidentally slip and drag the razor the long way across your leg and it's like this huge slit in your skin? haha yeah.... It's like the stupidest feeling when you cut yourself shaving isn't it??? It's like... I don't even feel like I can say ouch cause I did it to my self haha.. I don't know how to explain it but I just laughed as the blood was streaming down my thigh to my ankle. But then brynn looked over and she was so cute she got so worried when she saw me. and she was like Brooke! what happened!? haha and so I told her and she said "oh I'm glad I don't shave my legs" haha. so then I was looking like such a dork looking around for a bandaid after I got out of the shower haha I had to hold my hand over the wound to stop it from bleeding all over the place. haha so we were all out of bandaids so I had to get like a gauze pad and tape it on there haha. When brynn saw it she was like "that's like daddy's head!" haha (from when my dad had skin cancer on his forehead) but anyway It's actually really stinging right now haha and has been all day :) yay! 

So I told you about the whole freaking food thing this afternoon that was super annoying. I almost wanted to throw a ball of fire across the room. haha but then I rethought that idea using my logic and decided that would probably be a bad Idea :) haha... so i decided to just stab the heck out of the stupid hard as a rock corn bread haha :) that was truly theraputic :)  

so right now I'm talking to tim about how much I hate users. Man I hate being used. LIke more than anything else in the entire world I hate feeling like someone is just being nice to me while they need me. and feeling like you are just so easily dispensable. Like it doesn't really matter if you are there or not. And I hate being a show friend too. Like when someone is going to a party and just wants to bring you along just to have someone with them. it doesn't matter who it is with them. Just the fact that they had someone to bring was way more important. 

woah haha anyway I'll stop ranting :) But It's just annoying haha. Tim is dealing with this super annoying girl who reminds me a lot of a super annoying other person who super annoys me with their super flakyness and inconsideration haha :) :) So I'm giving him my psychiatrist advise :) hahaha... well. I think I'm going to get ready for bed. 

the stupid long process of scraping all the junk off my face haha fun fun :) :) well I love you blog :) thanks for being such a good listener :) :) sleep well :) talk to you tomorrow :) 

Why I don't cook: :) and why I'm not becoming a mom any time soon haha

hahaha so this is why I don't cook... today I tried to make zac a special lunch cause he was feeling all down in the dumps. So I asked him what he wanted and we went through all our food in the pantry and he chose stove top stuffing, mashed potatoes, corn bread, and baked beans. ok so I started with the stuffing, delicious but zac decided that he didn't like it so I was the only one to eat that. Potatoes: I started making them but discovered that we were out of milk... one half stick of butter down the drain. Baked beans: zac ate two bites... corn bread: after cooking them we looked at the package and discovered that they had expired in 2007 haha... so out of all that cooking zac had one bite of stuffing, two bites of beans and I got fat. now he is eating fishey crackers and I'm using up all our tuperware with the left overs xD oh yeah and brynn has a fever so she is just loading up on otter pops hahaha. 

• I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. 

• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me. • Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.  • I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.  • The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.  • There is a great need for sarcasm font.  • I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it. (ahem Zoolander)  • I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.  • The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.  • Was learning cursive really necessary?  • Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.  • I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.  • Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.  • My uncle's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.  • Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.  • How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?  • I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dude from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!  • While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.  • MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.  • I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.  • Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.  • Bad decisions make good stories  • Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!  • If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.  • Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from; this shouldn’t be a problem….  • You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.  • Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.  • I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.  • “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.  • I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’  • I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?  • I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.  • I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.  • Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…  • As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.  • Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.  • It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.  • I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.  • It really ticks me off when I want to read a story onhttp://www.facebook.com/l/7685c;CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.  • I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.  • I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 

good come back! :)

read the story first and then look at the pictures or they might not make much sense :) :) :) 

these are pictures of what we look like fighting :) This is where I do an evil cackle and tim gets really scared and looks for someone to save him this is where tim says something that he thinks is really witty and I say "oh no you didn't" and Tim is really good at rolling his eyes so this is where tim rolls his eyes and I make fun of him for it. :) haha and this is where I am yelling at him and he just snarles rabiddly in my face :)

Hi :) I for sure haven't written in this blog for quite a while. :( I am sad about that and I have so many things that I need to catch up on but first of all, haha I just want to write a funny conversation haha... :) that probably most likely is not funny to anyone else but I thought it was very funny.. :) 

*ok so first of all, in guitar class, Tim and I are trying to learn how to play this song "Fall for you" by Seconhand Serenade. So I am just a tiny bit more experienced than Tim as far as guitar playing goes so he plays a "G" and I look over at his fingers and they are hideously in the wrong position. and it looks so uncomfortable, so being the compassionate, motherly, and loving friend that I am I tell him "Tim, your fingers are hideously wrong!" "I can't even concentrate on anything if you keep playing your G like that." So, being the stubborn boy that he is he says, "Brooke, It's fine! This is comfortable for me and it sounds the same!" and I, being so kind and patiently understanding, look at him and say, "Tim, if you practice doing things the wrong way it will be even harder for you down the line when you want to advance. I am only doing you a favor by helping you correct your fingers." But then he just ignores me and keeps playing. So by now I am a little bit frustrated. Then I remember the feeling that I am feeling from somewhere. I start racking my brain trying to remember when I feel this way. Then it hits me!!!!! "TIM, you are acting just like my brother!!!!!" "Whenever I try and help him on his math homework or help him with his cursive he never listens and always thinks that he is right!" Then TIm says "it's just a boy thing" and I am thinking "no kidding" and then hahhahaha this was the best part of the whole argument :) haha like 20 minutes later after we have been playing the song and relating all of the angry parts of the song to our fight hahaha, Tim looks up and says "Well I wouldn't listen to you if you tried to teach me math anyway!!!" hahahahahahaha and I give him a funny look and say haha "man tim that was a good comeback hahah" "20 minutes later" :) ((normally that would've made me mad but he couldn't even think of it until so long after hahahahaha ok so yeah that was probably like the one of the only fights that we have had. and it was pretty hilarious hahahaha I just felt like writing about it hahaha :) :) :) there is more to come about my trip to utah and christmas and such :) :) so I will talk later :) Peace<3