• I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. 

• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me. • Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.  • I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.  • The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.  • There is a great need for sarcasm font.  • I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it. (ahem Zoolander)  • I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.  • The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.  • Was learning cursive really necessary?  • Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.  • I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.  • Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.  • My uncle's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.  • Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.  • How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?  • I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dude from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!  • While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.  • MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.  • I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.  • Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.  • Bad decisions make good stories  • Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!  • If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.  • Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from; this shouldn’t be a problem….  • You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.  • Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.  • I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.  • “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.  • I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’  • I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?  • I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.  • I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.  • Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…  • As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.  • Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.  • It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.  • I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.  • It really ticks me off when I want to read a story onhttp://www.facebook.com/l/7685c;CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.  • I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.  • I think the freezer deserves a light as well.