Again with the lies.

How ironic it is that those who are the most truthful are also the most mysterious. It is so much easier to see through to the baseness of a liar than to stare into the depths of the honest. -mjr

Life is a highway and I'm gonna ride it

Life is an engine that can’t be shut off, and time is the precious gas. Will you waste your time in idle, or climb the highest peaks? In the end it won’t matter how long you lasted. You’ll only really care how far you went. -an aphorism by my genius friend Micah Rees. I admire him in so many ways.

After a long day.

Today has been a long day. You know those days where it feels like actually five days all packed together?! That was today. Work at zuas till 3, took Brynn and zac to zupas for lunch then for a drive around town. Then home and a shower to wash off stinky zupas smell, then chuckarama with the fam + grandma, then the creamery on ninth with Micah, then my near death experience driving in the snow... I crashed into a curb because my car brakes were not working, probably one of the scariest feelings loosing control of your car... Then the wilkinson center to see heather and all those chicas. :) it was a fun but long day. I think my car may be totalled. Also, Micah is leaving on a mission Wednesday. That's hard to handle. I feel like I need to make quality of all the time I can possibly spend with him before he departs. Man I do love that kid. I feel like I've had so many goodbyes in my lifetime. Every move I've had, every mission, every move of someone else, every friend going off to college. I'm so sick of it. Not to complain cause there are a lot harder things to deal with than that but I have a hard time with knowing that i am not going to see someone I love for such a long time. I've resorted to not making new friends when I move. It's way easier haha cause i know in less than a year I'll be somewhere new. Well anyway I was just going to say that after a long day, don't you love taking off your bra, washing off your makeup, taking off your pants and rubbing the heck out of your eyes!? Hahaha or perhaps I'm just a goon. But anyway come loon or goon I'll always love my fleece sheets. Goodnight moon. -_-

What if we replaced all criticism with faith... Just for a day all over the world! I always feel bad for the presidents. They are constantly being criticized by everyone and becoming the brunt of rude jokes. They aren't perfect but if you expect them to be then you are a hypocrite because you know that it's a hard job and you probably wouldn't know what to do once you got in there either. I think if we gave more support and less distructive jokes and negative energy THAT might actually cause change in our country and world. Just something to think about. 

Those who routinely detour around hills never build the strength needed to climb mountains. ~my friend micah :) ps. He will surely be the next gahndi.

He's just not that into you.

Note to self: if a guy hangs out with you for an hour or two then when he is hugging you goodbye he squeezes you and says aw I probably won't see you for like six months. Then pulls away and says "seriously, I have a crazy schedule and I probably really won't." and while he is hanging out with you, you are trying to help him have fun and no effort on his part.... Take my word for it. HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!

Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us togeva today

Alright, so I'm approaching the age where mariage is on the mind quite a bit for a lot of us. All of my friends are dating seriously and getting married... Some even have kids! Now I must be odd or something because I haven't dated... Ok let me clear this up. I have never officially been someones girlfriend before. Ever. I have gone on a couple dates. Some... Like maybe two were actual dates where I was asked by someone who actually wanted to just go on a date with me. The rest were set ups by my friends or just hanging out with a guy friend for a night. Why is it that I can have guy friends... Even guy friends who like me more then a friend, but never want to just ask me on a date? Let alone be "together". Am I so weird that no guy will ever show any type of PDA... Including hugging.. In front of anyone? Ok well all that stuff doesn't bug me that much. I just wonder why. What am I doing wrong? Can someone please explain this? I only write these things because I do know for a fact that nobody reads my blog. Haha. But anyway. About mariage. Why do people get married? What is the real motivation?how does someone know for certain that they are picking someone who is going to be loyal and loving to them for their entire lives?! I'm sorry for the skepticism but I don't really believe that it is truly possible to know. I've thought I have loved someone and thought I knew it for three years! But then one day my eyes were opened and I realized what a jerk he was! That has happened twice actually. I had all these dreamy ideas about how great these guys were and how fun they were but in the end o realized that they were both just controling manipulative users who only treated me with respect when they had nobody else to turn to. They both knew I liked them and they used it to their convenience. On the other hand, I knew someone for two years and also thought I loved him but never would admit it to anyone and tried to even deny it to myself because I was scared of... Who knows what! Than after another three years of knowing him and just being friends I have realized what a truly remarkable guy he is. And how stupid I was to be so..... Stupid! He liked me a long time ago but I hurt him so much and now he doesn't. And now I wish that he still did. So the moral of this story is how come people get married after dating for three months? That isn't even long enough to really know the good sides of the person. Let alone the bad sides. People can put on a show for a year or even three years before you get to know that they are really abusive users with anger management problems. How do you really trust someone after just that long?! ..........maybe this is why guys don't date me. Haha I have to be friends for a long time before unknown for sure if I can like them as more, let alone be in a full time relationship. I just don't want to be used. Any more! The end. Good night dear sweet void. I can always count on you to listen attentavely :)

If I could tell the world just one thing It would be that we're all OK And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful And useless in times like these I won't be made useless I won't be idle with despair I will gather myself around my faith For light does the darkness most fear My hands are small, I know But they're not yours, they are my own But they're not yours, they are my own And I am never broken Poverty stole your golden shoes It didn't steal your laughter And heartache came to visit me But I knew it wasn't ever after We'll fight, not out of spite For someone must stand up for what's right 'Cause where there's a man who has no voice There ours shall go singing My hands are small I know But they're not yours, they are my own But they're not yours, they are my own I am never broken In the end only kindness matters In the end only kindness matters I will get down on my knees, and I will pray I will get down on my knees, and I will pray I will get down on my knees, and I will pray My hands are small I know But they're not yours, they are my own But they're not yours, they are my own And I am never broken My hands are small I know But they're not yours, they are my own But they're not yours, they are my own And I am never broken We are never broken We are God's eyes God's hands God's mind We are God's eyes God's hands God's heart We are God's eyes God's hands God's eyes We are God's hands We are God's hands

1 nephi 15:11

Do ye not remember the things which the lord hath said? If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask menin faith, believing that ye shall recieve, with dilligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shal be made known unto you.

These are my feelings. Take em or leave em.

I just want to write about some things that have been on my mind lately. I have realized that throughout my life I have learned a lot but until now I didn't know that I had learned it. If that makes sense. I've been thinking a lot about my future. And I have been thinking a lot about lies and forgiveness. I think that forgiveness is one of the hardest things that we can do. I've been having to do ablot of hard things lately and I've realized that the two hardest things for me to do is to talk about my feelings and find forgiveness. Now, it's easier for me to forgive people when I'm the only one who has been affected. But when someone has hurt someone I love or multiple someone that I love and I am still witnessing that suffering, it's nearly impossible to find true forgiveness. I don't have any insight in how to make this easier but as soon as I figure it out I'll let you know. The second hardest thing that I've had to do is to talk and let out my real feelings. I am not a person who can easily let you know how I am REALLY feeling. It seems selfish to me to make someone sit and listen to my stories and my complaining or what ever. And I hate having anyone feel like they need to help me or feel obligated to talk to me. I'd rather be there to help them. No matter how bad my circumstances are there is always a billion other people who have a lot more and a lot worse things to deal with. So anyway I've decided to use my blog to let out my feelings. Then if anyone wants to know how I really feel they can know but I won't be burdening them with the novel. Also... I suck at putting my feelings into word form. I think I should invent new words to discribe how I am feeling. Haha sad or glad or mad just doesn't seem to cut it for me most of the time. Haha. Alright so here we go. Today I've been thinking about hypocrites... Or however you spell that. That and lies. I hate lies with all my heart. There is never a good enough reason to lie to someone. If you have something to say either say it or don't. Don't be a phony!!! I've had my life totally turned upside down just because of a bunch of lies. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes people make big ones. And usually if people are truly sorry about their mistake they will not do that again... And that's all I want to say about that. But anyway if/when I Marry someone, I am not going to settle for any lie of any kind. Beware future spouse. Ps. I hate hypocrites also. Don't tell me what to do if you are going to do that thing yourself. Also... I am going to do something worth whoile with my life. Not just waste it. I will travel the world and give kids knowledge and teach women about how to stand up for themselves and spread awareness about abuse and help families who don't have food and help kids who don't have shoes. And I am going to teach women how to get out of abusive relationships and open up shelters all over the world. And open up food banks and safe havens for anyone who needs it. And I am going to be a teacher for kids who don't have good parents to help them at home and help disabled kids to have a good education too. And maybe help old people who don't have any family around feel like they are loved and cared for. I'm going to live in a motor home with painted walls and beautiful art so that I can go wherever the lord needs me to be to help anyone who needs it. And I can die knowing that I made a difference in this world. And know that I truly lived my life in spite of everyones expectations. I love my family and friends. Goodnight

New years resolution

Hi there nobody :) haha I doubt anyone reads this but for all those nobodys who care I have made a new years resolution to read my scriptures every day. So as I was reading along today this scripture stood out to me :) 1 nephi 13:37 and blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that last day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb; and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shal they be. I want to be that person who publishes peace and brings tidings of great joy. And I want to be beautiful on the mountains! Ha ha ;) this shall be my motto of the month :)