These are my feelings. Take em or leave em.

I just want to write about some things that have been on my mind lately. I have realized that throughout my life I have learned a lot but until now I didn't know that I had learned it. If that makes sense. I've been thinking a lot about my future. And I have been thinking a lot about lies and forgiveness. I think that forgiveness is one of the hardest things that we can do. I've been having to do ablot of hard things lately and I've realized that the two hardest things for me to do is to talk about my feelings and find forgiveness. Now, it's easier for me to forgive people when I'm the only one who has been affected. But when someone has hurt someone I love or multiple someone that I love and I am still witnessing that suffering, it's nearly impossible to find true forgiveness. I don't have any insight in how to make this easier but as soon as I figure it out I'll let you know. The second hardest thing that I've had to do is to talk and let out my real feelings. I am not a person who can easily let you know how I am REALLY feeling. It seems selfish to me to make someone sit and listen to my stories and my complaining or what ever. And I hate having anyone feel like they need to help me or feel obligated to talk to me. I'd rather be there to help them. No matter how bad my circumstances are there is always a billion other people who have a lot more and a lot worse things to deal with. So anyway I've decided to use my blog to let out my feelings. Then if anyone wants to know how I really feel they can know but I won't be burdening them with the novel. Also... I suck at putting my feelings into word form. I think I should invent new words to discribe how I am feeling. Haha sad or glad or mad just doesn't seem to cut it for me most of the time. Haha. Alright so here we go. Today I've been thinking about hypocrites... Or however you spell that. That and lies. I hate lies with all my heart. There is never a good enough reason to lie to someone. If you have something to say either say it or don't. Don't be a phony!!! I've had my life totally turned upside down just because of a bunch of lies. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes people make big ones. And usually if people are truly sorry about their mistake they will not do that again... And that's all I want to say about that. But anyway if/when I Marry someone, I am not going to settle for any lie of any kind. Beware future spouse. Ps. I hate hypocrites also. Don't tell me what to do if you are going to do that thing yourself. Also... I am going to do something worth whoile with my life. Not just waste it. I will travel the world and give kids knowledge and teach women about how to stand up for themselves and spread awareness about abuse and help families who don't have food and help kids who don't have shoes. And I am going to teach women how to get out of abusive relationships and open up shelters all over the world. And open up food banks and safe havens for anyone who needs it. And I am going to be a teacher for kids who don't have good parents to help them at home and help disabled kids to have a good education too. And maybe help old people who don't have any family around feel like they are loved and cared for. I'm going to live in a motor home with painted walls and beautiful art so that I can go wherever the lord needs me to be to help anyone who needs it. And I can die knowing that I made a difference in this world. And know that I truly lived my life in spite of everyones expectations. I love my family and friends. Goodnight